Home always feels like something welcoming. Kind and ever whole— it doesn’t judge you it doesn’t fiend you— you just are as they are you. Home is something you seek, not always have.

I know I’ve struggled with home. Not really having one n’ all.

But I’d like home. Sometimes— I think I’m homesick for a house that is not mine.

</aside>

I WONT FORGET.

Home is a person. Not a place.

<aside>

2026 2 8.png

She looked so happy that day! I really wish I could see that giddy little smile again— she didn’t talk much to me after that… I know she was happier without me constantly at her side; but I wish— I wish it were different. I wanted to be her sister. I really did. I guess even now I don’t really feel like that. She’ll message me sometimes, but I don’t know how to reply. I don’t— I don’t really want to sometimes. I feel bad when I see her notifications pop up; like I’ve done something wrong— or she’ll berede me. But she doesn’t and I feel lost at a limbo of where to put that anxiety.

</aside>

<aside>

I look so silly in that photo. I don’t really like it, it makes me feel uncomfortable. But— I don’t want to forget at the same time. Things may have been easier if I just, didn’t leave. I debate that, think about it— But at the same time I wouldn’t have met my other friends. I don’t want to say friends incase they don’t really think the same… But— I don’t know, I feel very wracked today, writing this. Thinking about it. I don’t want to.

</aside>

<aside>

Baby girl, what did I do to deserve someone like you? All you've done for me, not well planned, but everything, and more. I didn't want you to do any of it for me. Never would I say out of spite or anger, I thought or hoped if I pushed you away you wouldn't get yourself in the same situation as me. You deserve that future, that hope, the trial and error. Not are you something disgusting, I think you're closer to any sense of humanity than anyone is. That's a compliment I promise. I love you. I wish you were here, I wish I could hold you again just in my arms. To heavy are my burdens now, I can barely even move this shitty mattress. I have to listen, or assume someone else is taking care of you. Hope, more likely. I love you, Baby Zinnia.

</aside>

<aside>

Alot has changed since then, Sofictia. I kept your earrings, always you know— Still! Still aways struggled with putting both in ahh! But I kept one near the Zoo, for you. Thought maybe you’d like that, to stay nearby. There’s been alot of new things since Technology and social advancements have really changed Earth, last time I got to visit for a ‘hunt’ ah yes they changed that name too now— They were different. Of course still, wonderful! Everyone I made sure to check them… double triple check. You’d be happier to know we’ve advanced Human lifespan! I You could’ve been here, still. I wonder what you’d think of me now.

I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.

</aside>

<aside>

IMAGE FILE >> REMOVED : OWNER ASSOSIATION.

RECOVERY PROVIDED :

WOULD YOU LIKE TO RESTORE THIS? Y / N

"I'm lost, no. No I was lost. I hadn't been found, I never really was found. That wasn't something I got to do. It was luck- luck carried me, somehow. Idon't know why or how or honestly what I did to be piccked. I have theories, guesses... But I don't like to think that someone could be so cruel. That's probably my downfall. I tried so hard to see what good there was in you, but. Stars never did I get that, did I? It was stubbornness that brought me here. Not from... immaturity, or badwill, or even manipulation. I wanted you to be good. I wanted to be that man for you. I did. I was so desperate to be wanted, that I never, it never crossed my mind, I never wanted to believe, you weren't good to me. I didn't want to be, but I thought if I dealt with it just a little longer, maybe this time! Ah maybe this time she'll be better! She really promised me! Silly me. I never really did part from that name. I wanted to love you, I wanted you to love me. Even now, sometimes I wonder if you still would. Or did, at all really. Now I guess, I think I was an idea. Well, obviously I was food- less than- lower on the chain. I was. I am the deer to a wolf. I'm terrified of it happening again. I feel so fucking lonely."

</aside>

<aside>

I wish we weren’t trapped here. I wish I had more time to know you. Maybe it’s mean to say this— or . Wrong. It feels wrong, that’s why I won’t say it outloud. But. I wish I had you as my sister. Instead? Maybe. It’d surely— No that’s horrible— What’s wrong with me?

</aside>

<aside>

Miss you. I wonder how you’re doing, I haven’t heard from you in a long time— I think our messages have been swarmed over at some point. I can’t find them anymore. But I remember your kindness. You were the first one to.

</aside>

<aside>

ART CRED@BOBBY

I was so sad I missed these two falling asleep! I am unbelievably lucky that it was sent to me!— Or really see it at all ahah. Should’ve been more careful with my holopad. I miss the little things that would happen around the zoo, it was always my favorite— Whenever we’d try to make eachother laugh while waiting for the diamonds, or quietly figuring out new and— well honestly horrible games to play. I always had a fondness when Ads would sneak in, sneak in because I know Archduchess never liked me, and she’d pretend to work while we got scolded by white for the upteenth time! I always waved to her, and she’d wave back. She always looked at me— it was really new to me. I always had felt like I had been watched, with Vulture and all you get that feeling. But with Ads, I was something— wanted? Almost, we had our troubles, but she saw me. She’d actively stare at me whenever I looked away and looked back I knew she’d still be there. I’m worried; maybe she wouldn’t anymore. I never even got to hold her really. Last time I did it was when she reformed. I should’ve touched her more, held her.

</aside>

<aside>

Goodness. Amber was so little in that photo. Hearing him now, talk with Hana— it. I don’t want to say it feels wrong. It doesn’t. I’ve been around humans long enough to watch them grow and change. Everyone’s capable of that, I know that. Even gems, maturity changes, and in turn so do they. But with Amber— I wasn’t there. I couldn’t physically be there and watch. I couldn’t even be at the ceremony being— fucking held away. It makes me so. Gosh so much. I feel so much. I wish I didn’t sometimes haha. ah. I wanted to be there with Amber, to scream and cheer for him. To let him know just how proud I am to know him, to see him. But I wasn’t and . Fuck what little he did see was horrible. I was horrible. I am horrible. I’m so fucking angry with myself, I can hear them right now talking and he sounds so different. I miss my baby. I want to talk to him all of the time— I don’t want to hear it second hand from Hana. As much as I love talking to her, I wish. No i can’t ask for that. I’m sorry Amber.

</aside>

<aside>

Look amber. I found— yyour little guys! :catah: I can’t send them to you. For some reason.

</aside>

<aside>

I hadn’t gotten to seen them together too often! I’m glad at least I got a few photos from my holopad! Good stars I really didn’t want to lose this one. I know I don’t— or they don’t— we both don’t really know each other that well. Not that, it was all that needed to. Iris and Jasper are busy busy gems, haha. It’s nice enough that I’ve gotten contact to Iris recently… I wish I had more to talk with her about. The words just stop in my throat whenever I look at her profile. I almost want to apologize to her, constantly really. But at the same time, that would acknowledge that I mean something to her, and I don’t really know if that’s true. Stars, don’t get me started on Jasper, haha. She never really looked at me. But— I liked this photo, alot. They danced all fumbly and poorly, but they were so happy! And I really— i really miss it. Fuck.

</aside>

<aside>

Looks like her face was cropped out— I couldn’t restore the ones that did have her face. It feels so lonely without her knowing where I’ve gotten, what I’ve done. Still, looking up her file- Of course I can’t find anything haha. I don’t know if it’s even possible. It terrifies me. Would she be proud? I’d like to think so. I’d surely hope so ha. I don’t think she’s even properly met Vulture— which I don’t want her to. I really really don’t want her to.

She wouldn’t be dead would she?

If you can’t find thtfile.?

</aside>

<aside>

I wish I had a photo with your face in it. I can’t really remember the features anymore. You feel more like a ghost in the back of my mind than something physical. Though, the last time we talked was nice— I remember you looked sad. Maybe. I wonder if you knew what was going to happen to me. If you did, why did you keep it to yourself? Am I really someone not to be saved?

</aside>

<aside>

Screenshot 2026-01-12 085225.png

I can’t say I miss you. Not entirely at least— though it would be dishonest to say I didn’t at least a little bit. I miss the dances, the view of community. Even if I’ve never really been apart of that… It was nice to watch, and feel the love radiating in the room. That I will always adore— especially to see these young pearls I used to share shell spots with— they don’t recognize me anymore. I don’t blame them, haha. Ads didn’t. I wish I had danced more there. I should’ve— instead I was so drowned out with some new depressive episode that I never did. Well— figure the pain part but. I could’ve just.. DONE IT! Even it was alone— Technically I did. Once. It was a little awkward though. haha.

</aside>